An Act of Faith

is what this post represents. 

A decision to return to what God has placed in me concerning this project, and as a writer in general. 

A decision to trust that I am a vessel worth using, even as He is still mending the shattered pieces in my life.

And a willingness to accept that at the end of the day, it’s not about me. 

 …

It’s been a little over 6 months since I officially launched RootedSoul Space. If I’m honest, I toyed around with the thought of not returning to this project. Yep, even after a full launch. In facing the reality that so much time had passed, I felt it may have been best to shut it down. After all, it’s pretty much been…space.  

Let me take you back…

In the weeks leading up to the launch, excitement accompanied a healthy dose of nerves. I was in my creative bag, grinding, writing, designing, and editing. I didn’t fully understand where God was leading me, but I knew it was a move of purpose. Yet, immediately after launching (and I DO mean immediately!), I began facing one battle after another. Not the battles that leave you with scraped knees and a scuffed shoe. The ones that find you bruised and battered, crying out to God for relief. Within those six months, I had returned to a leadership role, had a few health scares, and lost a parent. Life was life-ing and I was feeling it physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and any other -ly you can think of.  I felt the timing couldn’t have been any worse, because WHO launches a project and disappears almost immediately after? 

Well…me. 

Writing has always been a dependable friend, readily available during crucial moments. And as much as I tried to include it during this valley season, this time was different. The last six months felt like more than writer’s block. Writing was not a willing participant, so I rarely picked up the pen. I had hoped to find solace through writing to help push through.

…

I’d hung up the leadership hat in 2021 but put it back on earlier this year. Though initially excited, the weight of the assignment didn’t come without experiencing rejection and resistance, and constantly questioning whether the assignment was meant for me to step into. Although I wasn’t new to those challenges, I wasn’t interested in dealing with them all over again. 

At the same time, a few health scares and an unexpected accident led to struggles that left me unable to be physically active. As a dancer and former athlete, it was hard to accept that reality.

Most devastating, was the fact that my father’s health began declining rapidly. I traveled back and forth to North Carolina to spend as much time with him as possible, knowing that time was something he didn’t have much of. He transitioned in June. And for a brief moment, writing resurfaced. One thing my father and I shared was our love for the Arts.  It seemed fitting to honor him through poetry, so I attempted to write. The words came without force. Reading that poem at his Homegoing service was an indescribable feeling. But writing didn’t stick around long…

Broken and depleted, creating was the last thing on my mind. How would I respond to rejection? How could I focus on getting anything done, when my health was compromised? How would I move forward after the death of a parent? Through all the suffering, I never felt that God had abandoned me. However, I wrestled, fought, and questioned Him almost every step of the way. But it wasn’t until I dug deep, rooting myself in prayer and the Word, that I began to understand what was happening.  I shifted my focus away from the battles and back toward God.

It’s been an extremely humbling process but God is always intentional during those crushing moments. There were necessary battles I needed to face before fully moving into what He called me to do. God was pruning me, aligning me. And. It. HURT.  But He was also restoring me. And one of the most important lessons to come out of this season was God reminding me that I cannot do this without Him. I needed to rely solely on Him to make it through. Not my talents, not my gifts, not my outlets. And the best part? God was present during those battles. As pieces of life shattered around me, I saw how He covered me, carried me, and tended to me when they cut deep.

… 

I’m excited to return to this space. I’m doing so with a deeper level of faith and a reminder to keep God at the center. I encourage you to also seek God in those valley moments and seasons. He knows the plans He has for you. Don’t abort the mission. Instead, be willing to trust the process and His timing, even when you don’t fully understand it. Allow Him to restore you, and to guide you. Be willing to step back into what He called you to do, regardless of how it may look to you or others. God isn’t looking for perfection in you or your circumstances. Every trial, challenge, delay, and detour,  is all useful to Him.

Are there assignments/gifts that God placed in you that you believe He’s leading you back to? If so, how have you leaned on Him during this journey? Feel free to share below!